I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
