did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
