Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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