Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
