Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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