I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
