Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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