So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
