you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
