wakey wakey hands off snakey
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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