I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You are the jesus of drinking
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
