If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I touched a dick in church today
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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