so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
