I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
