im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
