I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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