I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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