I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
