I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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