I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
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He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
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my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize