i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
