It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
