this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
