so that wasnt chicken after all
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
