Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
