Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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