We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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