Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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