her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
we should paint friendship bongs
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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