every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
