Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
