Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
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I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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