No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
