Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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