Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
