Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
