I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
