Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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