thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
