remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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