I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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