So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
