I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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