Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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