like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
