We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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