You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
