I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
