I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
