Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
