No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
