She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
