I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
