my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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