his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My dad just said "fuck circus"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize