Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
