So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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