I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
