I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
