She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize