i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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