if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
