but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
