Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
