I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
