when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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