I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
