WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
