thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
