Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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