You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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