Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
