She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
