Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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