I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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