you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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