I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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