I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
