Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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