She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
