Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
