I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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