i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
