Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Boobs are out for the taking
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
